bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
