I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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