I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
