I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
