I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
