Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
