i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
