she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
