Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
