Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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