I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
