He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
