I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
