yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
