Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
