I want to stick my p in your. b.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize