Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
