i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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