I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
