so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize