I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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