If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
