You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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