apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
