What did we do last night that was yellow?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
