somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
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You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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