After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
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Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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