I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
