Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
