Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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