it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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