I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This is the high leading the old right now
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
