I need help removing her.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
