i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
