He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
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Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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