I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
