You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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