please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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