I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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