after a month anything with tits is on the radar
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
