Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
