You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Let's paint friendship bongs
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
