Christians are straight up FREAKS
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it's like heaven, but drunker
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
