Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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