so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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