it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
