my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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