Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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