just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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