i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
