Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
