So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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