I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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