Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
