when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
