He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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