I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
