Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
