My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
