SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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