I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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