Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
