theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
