Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
