id be glad to
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
