I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
