no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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