So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
