Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
