Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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