Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
