we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
