Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
