i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
