tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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